Some say life’s a path winding through a forest of endless possibilities. Well…we’ll see. In the meantime, Crazy Man and the dog, Sidestepper, will be following that path through the deep dark scary woods every Tuesday and Thursday in a twice weekly saga of their journey.
And who are Crazy Man and the dog, Sidestepper?
I’m not sure. I’m still learning.
Crazy Man was under his bed with an empty bottle of wine for a long time before he decided to look into “this outside thing.” His body exists in one dimension and his mind in another and he’s never been sure which is which. Once on the path, the past begins to slip away and he can’t remember if he has a kitchen or not. Or a garage.
The dog, Sidestepper, is looking for the mother who abandoned him when he was a puppy, causing his body to stay the same size and his legs to grow into long skinny stilts that make him look strangely like an egret nest perched on top of power lines. But don’t think about that…you’ll dream. It won’t be nice.
And he walks sideways. Always.
After a short confrontational greeting during which Crazy Man assures the dog, Sidestepper, that he’s not his mother, the two decide to travel together down the path of adventure and new meanings through the deep dark scary woods.
What awaits them will change their already weird lives into…well…something weirder. You’re welcome to join them on their journey every Tuesday and Thursday but, be warned, nothing good can come of this.
Yes, being an artist, I have much too much money, so I'm giving this away free. I'm also giving away other free stuff. Click the Weekly Man button at the top of page for some of this free stuff.
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Each one is a three or four page PDF file.
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Wherein Crazy Man decides to rediscover “this outside thing” that he’s long since forgotten, having spent gawd knows how long under his bed crying and drinking wine.
He immediately meets a dog walking sideways on stilt-like legs. The dog, Sidestepper, mistakes Crazy Man for his long lost mother but quickly realizes that’s he”s just another insensitive bastard and a world of insensitive bastards.
But the two become companions and travel the path of adventure and new meanings together.
Wherein Crazy Man and the dog, Sidestepper, find a couch on the path of adventure and new meanings and have a long anguish cry or two because they’re hungry and motherless and nothing seems to make sense.
If you have issues with dogs and men crying, you might want to pass on this episode. Three people who intended to read this but didn't still development symptoms of having read it.
That's why I'm leaving it up to you.
Wherein Crazy Man and the dog, Sidestepper, bare their souls in unrequited empathy, only to face the horror of the worm roots from hell.
If you don’t read this episode no one will shame you. Well, some will. But some won’t. Those will be in the minority. A very small minority. But…feel free to wimp out. No hard feelings.
Wherein the two travellers confront the horror of non-vegan wildlife in the deep dark winter, Crazy Man has crazy thoughts about the dog, Stepper, and the two are deeply disturbed by a gift from the heavens.
Scenes in this episode may be disturbing for those who don’t put ketchup on their KD.
The way it should be eaten.
CominWherein our two strange travellers encounter “that which you fear” and come uncomfortably close to “the dreaded truth.”
But…the universe laughs for exactly three minutes and twenty-two seconds.
Or so the story goes.
Wherein our two hungry and motherless travellers are thoroughly mooned in an extraordinary moment of celestial madness.
Wherein our hungry, motherless travellers confront the crusty one-legged ducks of the far-away lake that’s not really a lake.
Much discussion ensues on the edibility of ducks and the devouring of new meanings.
Wherein our angst-weary travellers face almost certain death falling into the trench to hell with nothing to save them but a rusty nail…or…face certain death in the deep dark scary woods.
If you’re afraid of heights, bridges or gerbils, for God’s sake don’t click the download button below.
Wherein Crazy Man and the dog, Sidestepper, learn the true meaning of flower power and discover that dandelions are not just pretty yellow lawn ornaments.
And Crazy Man has some terrible thoughts.
Wherein Crazy Man and the dog, Sidestepper, meet the being that has compacted all language into one word and causes a painful experience for Crazy Man.
NOTE: No wild life was harmed emotionally, spiritually or physically in the writing of this episode. At least, not in this dimension.
Wherein the path-traveling duo stumble into a path scarier even than the deep dark scary woods, a path haunted by the spaces between things.
WARNING: Some antics in this episode my be unsettling for those with normal minds. Proceed with caution. Or just close your eyes and just press a bunch of buttons and stuff on your keyboard. Works for me.
Wherein man and dog, in spite of everything that points to their unlikeliness as bonafide man and dog, are suddenly thrust off the path of adventure and new meanings and into the streets to face the essence of disappointment.
This genuine gutter adventure may not be appropriate for any audience.
Wherein Crazy Man and the dog, Sidestepper, encounter a lake that flows up and the meanest birds a hungry, motherless duo can bear.
(NOTE: No geese were consumed in the writing of this episode. Unfortunately.)
Wherein Crazy Man and the dog, Sidestepper, meet a bench in a clearing where the grass isn’t going to take it anymore.
They also learn the truth about turkeys.
(NOTE: No turkeys were consumed in the writing of this episode. Unfortunately.)
Wherein Crazy Man and the dog, Sidestepper, encounter a somewhat ghostly apparition on the path…or was it?
(NOTE: No clown imagery was used in the telling of this episode. You can sleep in peace. If that’s what you do when there are no clowns around.)
Wherein Crazy Man and the dog, Sidestepper, are stumped by a story of unnatural feelings and their heartbreaking Karma.
(NOTE: No trees were cut down in the telling of this story. Because we all love trees. Even the ones in the deep dark scary…well, trees.)
Wherein Crazy Man and the dog, Sidestepper, stumble upon the House of Many Species and Variables and learn about the need to sustain.
(NOTE: Yep. The tree house was toppled in real life. But no moose were harmed in its toppling.)
Wherein Crazy Man and the dog, Sidestepper, get into a power struggle of sorts which is settled by big birds.
(NOTE: Many trees were felled in the making of the accompanying photo.)
Wherein Crazy Man and the dog, Sidestepper, learn that it’s better to be good.
(NOTE: No toadstools were massacred in the telling of this tale. Sort of.)
Wherein Crazy Man and the dog, Sidestepper, have some laughs with a waterfall and its secret desire.
(NOTE: If you can’t laugh at the world, then laugh at something else.)
Wherein Crazy Man and the dog, Sidestepper, encounter the forest that hides the big blue/green so that man and dog don’t go out of their minds.
(NOTE: Sometimes the world isn’t trying to kill you.)
Wherein Crazy Man and the dog, Sidestepper, encounter the tears of the planet.
(NOTE: No horse fish, dolphins or mermaids are mentioned in the telling of this story. But I’ll bet someone thought about them…somewhere…when the story was told.)
Wherein Crazy Man and the dog, Sidestepper, find many hours of pure joyous oblivion while not listening.
(NOTE: This one goes out to every abandoned pier, dock and wharf. May the boats be with you.)
Wherein Crazy Man and the dog, Sidestepper, meet the Queen of Every Sandcastle and learn about how tides are party poopers.
(WARNING: Magic alert.)